I recently posted a video on both tiktok & IG that listed things Israel and I had implement into our relationship which significantly helped us grow. The one I got asked about the most was the limiting alcohol intake so I wanted to blog about it and give as much insight as possible.
First off, if you don’t know where I stand with alcohol in this society allow me to fill you in. I think it’s increasingly disturbing how much society pushes & markets alcohol to us. They associate the most sought after emotion and promise you it if you drink. IE: happy hour. Reality TV shows do the same thing. All in all I believe it’s marketed in a really unhealthy manner.
With all that being said I have had a very unhealthy relationship with liquor in the past. I used to binge drink. I would be proud of the streak of days I could continue drinking for. I definitely used it as a coping mechanism to deal with past trauma, heartbreak, boredom and my mental illness’s. Basically any excuse to drink I would. My mental health got to a terrifying place a couple years back and I decided to do a sober year. It was both liberating & healing to say the least.
After the year was completed, I reintroduced liquor into my life in moderation but If I’m honest I just don’t feel like my best self on it. I feel like I read into situations in much greater depth. I feel emotions deeper because of my BPD. My ability to problem solve or rationalize decreases. I feel like when I drink a lot I regress back to an unhealed version of myself with little to no skills on how to cope with anything. To date I have continued to monitor my drinking & do sober stretches but all in all it’s definitely something I could see myself eventually giving up indefinitely.
Now that you have the whole back story with my drinking. I will say that Israel has had a similar background in relation to alcohol. Its amazing we both met when we did. Once we had learned to regulate our alcohol intake and learned who we were outside of binge drinking. We both have individually taken breaks from alcohol. When we first started talking he was actually on a 3 month stretch of not drinking. It was one thing I really admired in him and could understand first hand the difficultly it can take to execute that in this society.
When I first moved to Texas Israel and I drank at least once every week or two weeks. More than either of us tend to do now a days. We had a lot to celebrate, he wanted to show me around and take me to all the bars. When we went on our first trip to Cabo we also drank a lot. I honestly want to say that the increase in drinking played a huge role in my most recent mental break. Not only that but I felt like we weren’t our best selves on alcohol. We would argue more often and we would take things out of context. We were honestly just not being the best versions of ourselves or the best partners to one another. It was 3 months ago we decided to both go sober. For the sake of our own mental health but also the quality of our relationship. It got to a point where we said okay this is enough. This isn’t who we want to be. We do not need to be drinking this much, we’re done. We haven’t had a drop since and we haven’t set an end date for this sober stretch.
I speak for myself when I say this but I really don’t see an end date for me in the near future. My mental health & well being will always be more important than a weekend out or needing to drink on vacation. I have self abandoned far too many times in the past to ever do it again. So for myself personally I truly don’t know if and when I will choose to have a drink again. Life is just so beautiful, clear and regulated while sober. It’s so much easier for me to manage my disorders and my relationship.
I think drinking for so many reasons can be detrimental to our mental & physical health but if you suffer from trauma or mental illness’s I do find it harder to manoeuvre drinking with a partner. I truly believe it’s because when we drink we become so vulnerable and we tap into parts of us that aren’t completely healed. That can cause fears & insecurities to increase. Don’t get me wrong sometimes it’s fun and can be an adventure with your significant other. However, in my personal experience I think it can add more issues rather than do good and for us that was definitely the case.
I also think it’s important to remember every person and relationship is different so my advice or perspective won’t always apply to you or your partner. I only share my experiences to be transparent and shed light on issues, while attempting to be someone others can relate to and find comfort in. If you find drinking doesn’t affect you or your relationship negatively then all the power to you. But if you do relate to this, just know it’s okay. It’s okay to cut back or completely cut out alcohol if you don’t feel it’s healthy for you. Despite how much society shoves it in our faces. It is okay to want to live differently than that. Don’t feel shame in it, I don’t. I feel pride in the fact that my partner and I can both agree to do what is healthy for us both, despite what it looks like to anyone else.
If anyone has any more questions regarding this topic, please feel free to message me. I will definitely keep you all updated with our sober journey!
As always, thank you for reading,
Xx