Let’s talk attention deficit hyperactivity disorder ( ADHD ).
I was diagnosed with this disorder many years back. However, it wasn’t until recently that I started really researching it and fully understanding just how much this disorder plays a huge part in my every day life.
For me, ADHD affects the way I function to my core. I not only have a hard time sitting still but I have a hard time focusing on most things. It’s especially prevalent when someone else is talking. Sometimes I find myself completely dissociating from the conversation all together. I’ll fixate on something I did 5 years ago and it’s really difficult to bring myself back to the current conversation being had. I often feel guilty & frustrated by this. Guilty because I feel like the other person will think I don’t care about what they are saying. Which isn’t the case at all. Frustrated because so many times I need to ask people to repeat what they have said. I will admit that I used to pretend to go along with what the person was saying to keep from embarrassing myself. Now I will be transparent and say things like “ I apologize my ADHD is really bad in this moment, can you please repeat what you said so I can pay closer attention.” Sometimes with my close fiends I will just say “ I would love to listen to you but I’m not in the proper head space to be able to concentrate. Can we discuss this later on so I can give you my full attention?”
You would be surprised at how understanding people are when you are transparent and honest. This has helped with alleviating a lot of my guilt. I’ve accepted this disorder. I’ve accepted that I have it. I’ve also accepted that it isn’t my job to cure it but I do have the power to cope with it. That involves me having these conversations with people. It also requires me to take responsibility for my actions.
A few other symptoms of ADHD I suffer from is being very easily distracted from absolutely anything. A conversation with a friend, a project or task. I even do my best to avoid driving because it is so bad for me that sometimes I get so distracted I forget I’m driving. I also struggle with abruptly interrupting people while they are talking. It’s not intentional & I truly don’t think what I have to say is more important. I just have a thought then it becomes an urge to say it out loud. Sometimes I feel stuck if I’m in a situation where I have to hold back and not say anything. I used to have panic attacks when I was kid if I didn’t get to say what I needed to and then I forgot what it was that I was going to say. I think it ties into the depth in which I feel. It always feels extremely important because of how deeply I feel it.
I also feel like this disorder is wildly misinterpretation and presumed to only be a disorder found in children. Well, I am living proof this is false. I am very much going on 30 with severe adhd. I know there is medication out there for this specific disorder that is known to help. I’ve never been medicated for ADHD personally. However, as of recently I’ve been considering it more because I find I’m much more aware of the effect it has on me in my day to day life. I will continue to share my journey with ADHD, when and if I decided to get medicated, etc.
Thank you for reading,
Xx